Wow. I’ll be the first to admit that I never saw any of this coming. Sure, I’d set some pretty lofty goals and tried like hell to reach them, but to have them all suddenly come true both incredibly exciting and very humbling.
Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me back up a bit. This is my ninth year as a competitive cross country skier, and my third on my current team, the National Team Development Center in Thunder Bay. It is also my first year as an ‘Under 23’ racer. What that means is that while I am technically considered a senior, I’ve been competing all year with other races aged 20-22 for a spot on Canada’s team at the Under 23 World Championships. As a first year U23 athlete, my goal of qualifying for these championships, while not being out of the question, was still a bit lofty. But, setting goals is vital to any potential improvement, so that’s where I set my sights back in May.
Last week my coach, Eric Bailey, dropped by to tell my teammates and I which athletes had qualified for the World Championships in Szczyrk, Poland this February. Having had a mix of very satisfying and not so satisfying results the previous week at the selection races in Duntroon, I was fairly sure that I hadn’t made the cut. Pate Neumann and Chris Butler, both from my team, as well as Brent McMurtry of the Quebec NTDC were all selected to go as under 23 athletes. My teammate Kate Brennan was selected among the U23 women and Len Valjas, who is in his last year as a junior, made it for the Junior World Championships, which are held in conjunction with the races for U23. All four of them were ecstatic, and it was a few minutes before the shouting and hand shakes and hugs subsided enough for Eric to start talking about the plan going forward. Pate was the first person to do the math and realize that Eric had only listed three U23 Men. The selection criteria state that four men will go to Poland. He asked Eric who the other man was, and Eric glanced at me and then smoothly dodged the question. A few minutes later Pate asked him again. This time Eric looked directly at me and paused for a moment. The look on his face said it all, and it was the best news I’ve heard in just about forever. I’M GOING TO POLAND!!! It’s a good thing we were standing outside when he told me, otherwise I’d probably have smashed my head into the ceiling. To top it all off, as if it even needed topping at all, I found out a few days ago that I’ve also been selected to race the World Cup races in Canmore, Alberta next week as a sprinter. World Cups are different from the Under 23 World Championships in that there are a number of them throughout the year, and there is no age cap. The very best seniors in the world will be lining up and going for broke, and I’m expected to go with them. As I said…. exciting, but very humbling as well.
Now that I’ve had a few days for all of this to sink in, I’ve come to a few startling realizations. First of all, anything is possible. Straight up. I know that’s an overused cliché, but bear with me. Last Thursday, I’d believed 100% that I’d missed the mark and wasn’t going to Poland. I’d spend 3 weeks with a very nasty cold during the early November races in Alberta and BC, and have yet to put down a satisfying distance race. I’ve been doing really well in sprinting however, so going into the selection races I was still optimistic. As in November however, I didn’t do very well in the distance races. I had my best ever sprint race, but I was sure it hadn’t been enough. ‘Great’, I thought, ‘another year and another disappointment.’ I even started making plans for the rest of the year with that in mind. Without going into the convoluted details of the selection process (which I don’t even understand after 9 years of dealing with it), it seems someone on the committee decided I was worth giving a second chance to. That makes me living proof that no matter how bad you think a given situation is, no matter how disappointed or bumbed out you are, things can and sometimes do turn around for you. Obviously if I felt that I truly didn’t deserve my spot on the Poland team, I would turn it down. That said however, I am honestly very, very fortunate to have been given the chance to race against the best. The second thing I’ve come to realize seems kind of odd in comparison with my first one. Having is sometimes no better than wanting. Don’t get me wrong; I’m more excited to race in Europe than I’ve ever been about anything before. Finally reaching that goal is very satisfying. Still though, this experience has already taught me the value of what I have in any given moment. As good as it felt to hear that I am going to Poland, that successful moment was just that…a moment. Ok, maybe it was more like a bunch of moments spread out over the past week. Having someone congratulate me certainly doesn’t feel bad, but that feeling is so fleeting that I almost feel nostalgia for it after only a few days. Despite all the good news, I miss the feeling of hoping against common sense that my goal will be reached. Success is sweet, but it’s doing what you know it takes to get that success that is even sweeter. Jumping up and down on my front porch was awesome, but so is hobbling back to the team van after leaving everything out on the racecourse, hoping but not knowing if it was enough. The thing I’m looking forward too the most about racing in the World Cups, and representing Canada in Poland is not the actual racing at all…. its the anticipation of those races. The wondering how I’ll do is the fun part. The fantasizing about the dreamlike top 10 World Cup finish is just as good a feeling as actually doing it. Reveling in the here and know, enjoying what you’ve got at this moment in time and knowing that this moment is all we’ve really got is an amazing thing.
So what am I going to do now, you might ask? Right now I’m going to finish packing. I’m going to get nervous about going up against the best. I’m going to set my sights on the next target, and I’m going to love every minute of it.
